Bike Uncategorized

12,000 miles

April 2015, it’s now been 4 years since I started riding my bike to work.

Give or take a few days, I’ve ridden the bike through rain, hail, snow, storm, wind, and blazing sun.

I stopped religiously recording the miles a few years back, but I tally more than 3000 miles a year just with the commute, so that’s more than 12,000 miles todate. The annual commute of 230 days x 15 miles = 3450 miles.

The bike’s still going strong – the annual service keeps it in check.

You can see my cycle related posts here: “cycle” or “bike” or “commute

I’m not going to waffle on but April… Spring… Is an ideal time to start… Go on, you know you want to!


I don’t recall what made me do it, but one Sunday morning in Early 2011, I said to Em “I’m going round the block on my bike!”. A quick but knackering ride around a few villages, but boy was it invigorating. No kit, no cycling paraphernalia, no agenda… just me wheels and a road (and a few sweaty inclines).

To the prospect of ‘cycling to work once a week?’, I recall adamantly thinking ‘never in a month of Sundays!‘ – it was seriously not an option.

However, after a month or so I found myself riding to work and back daily.

4 years later and a lot’s changed. I invested in a new bike early on, and in 2012 we eventually decided to sell the family’s second car. I’ve been through the phase of supposed “must have cycle-wear” that is foisted at you from the pseudo-cycle-subculture – (ignore most of it – save some money and soul). I have been through four winters of cycle commuting, and frankly the thought of it can be far worse than the reality! I’ve slowly moved towards more of a cycle-based or more pedestrian frame of mind while cycling. Initially the prospect of the “cycle-route” seemed silly and again ‘not an option’. Due to my indoctrinated vehicle/road based mindset, it took a good while to see sense and use alternative routes and cycle provision where available and fit for use. It’s an ongoing lesson and the prevailing attitude ‘out there’ can be survival of the fittest. Steer clear and let them fight it out I say. The current state of cyclist awareness and road/path design/provision is another discussion.

Cycling has it’s perceived negative moments, but to be honest if you are prepared, it’s all relative. What is “a soaking” from a heavy shower? (actually quite rare) Just a rare soaking. What’s riding in the dark with adequate lighting? It’s fun, it’s invigorating, it’s enlightening!! What’s having to be part of the push and pull of other road users? Give it space and it’s edifying. Yes some things are a challenge. I am no fanatic, but again I rode to work daily this winter and kept my combat shorts on this year – shorts (and thick socks) are easier! The thought of it is far worse than the reality. I am learning daily.

Coincidentally, a few years ago, I started looked at a my (mid-life) physical and mental habits and practices. At a desk from 9-5, I saw almost zero daily exercise. The nature of my work was “head down and get on with it”. My work environment sees no visitors and its cut-off location means little opportunity to escape for the occasional brief distraction. Probably many jobs are similarly suffocating. These, and other genetic/chemical factors, led to a diagnosis of ‘clinical depression’ (another story). On the whole, I was probably a good example of covertly ‘unfit and unhealthy’.

After much reading and sharing, adopting new routines and practices (including ongoing mild medication), riding a bike helps me realise a different outlook. Many other things have been part of the experience, such as; world-music singing with a large choir; the study of aspects ‘mindfulness’; the awareness of one’s diet of foodstuffs and also ‘consumption’ generally; new realisations about how one’s mind works. But riding a bike has had a significant role to play in the generation of a new physical, mental, (and possibly spiritual?) mind. Riding a bike induces endorphins and exercises the breathing and the mind. Riding a bike is only one of many things that helps me rise above and duck below the ongoing ‘stuff’ that the world breeds. The experience of cycling has many facets and I can recommend reconsideration to most people!

I do suggest you try to think of it as “riding a bike” and not necessarily “cycling” – the “cycling” subculture can be another dragon which can consume – steer clear of dragons. 🙂

I am not a follower of the sport of cycling, worthy though it is. Just as an average driver is probably not a follower of Rallying or Formula 1, exciting though they are. I am not a lycra lover. I don’t (anymore) try to beat my time! I don’t think you should have to “dress like a cyclist” to ride a bike – practical ‘normal’ clothes can be found to suit most purposes. It’s just riding a bike to get from a to b.

The simple act of riding a bike is good for so many reasons – personally, socially, mentally, physically, community, interaction, pace, progress, ambition… all can be fed by a new way (an old way) of experiencing things…

Think again, and ride your bike again. Go on you know you want to!

Bike Uncategorized

last ‘bike’ post for a while…

I’m a tad tired of banging on about ‘riding my bike’ – and I expect u r too.
And so, last ‘bike’ post for a while (perhaps).

I use the phrase ‘riding my bike’ because the term ‘cycling’ has accumulated so much baggage over the last year.  I do not see myself as a cyclist any more than you consider yourself a driver. I simply ride my bike to work and back. And go for the occasional spin round the block.

As mentioned before, I have made the transition from a road-based cycle commute to a person-based cycle commute.  It’s an ongoing work-in-progress, it’s taken a year so far, to reform my mindset from a driver’s road-based travel to a more contented alternative.

Driving habits are too dangerous for most roads to accommodate pedal bikes.
The drivers’ mindset/habit is not healthy (indeed often unhealthy), whether driving, riding, walking or just waiting in a queue.
It’s hard to remove oneself from the ingrained mentality of gotta be, gotta have, gotta be in front, gotta move on, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really really, really wanna zigazig, I need to be somewhere else, I need other… It’s linked with the ‘idea’ of success, achievement and ambition. But is it wholesome, necessary or truly successful?

There is an alternative which requires two things:
(i) to realise a renewed perspective on the act of travelling and being.
(ii) implementation of travel facilities (new ways) that accommodate modes other than motor vehicles.

I ended a previous post: I’ll have to risk the possible prang at 10mph on an estate road rather than the potential ‘prang’ at 30mph on the best road. This is misjudged and perhaps should be: I now seek to travel in a more amiable way.

I also ended a previous post: A new route with many low speed hazards and manoeuvres. Old route occasional high-speed potential killers. This is misjudged also and perhaps should be:  While there are hazards to be aware of one now seeks to negotiate rather than manoeuvre.

I ended a previous post with 4 questions:
Should cyclists freely share space on the road?
Current answer: yes, but equality is currently rarely achievable.
Should cyclists be given road-quality cycling space elsewhere?
Current answer: I think it’s possibly a workable healthy alternative.
Should cyclists be happy with 3rd rate white-lined gutters?
Current answer: no, where possible they should be implemented, but note; road users frequently don’t observe ‘white lines’.
Should cyclists just shut up and get on or off their bike?
Current answer: perhaps cyclists might pipe down, but that’s a subjective anti-lycra opinion – More importantly people who are so inclined should where possible get on and off their bikes and discover new ways.

Bike Uncategorized

The Bike needed Tender Loving £s

guard You may have noticed my tweet last week that “the bike” needed some TLC (and some TL£).

Alas the wheels (rims and hubs) that came with the  specialized crosstrail sport disc 2011 were ‘average’ quality and arguably not up to the job.

It’s been 2 years since I bought the bike. It’s done its best to combat the conditions experienced but the rear wheel – the one that takes the most pounding – gave up last week. The front forks are sprung so that takes a bit of impact out for the front wheel.

The rear wheel’s rim was cracked in 3 places where the spokes enter it and the freehub’s splines were considerably worn – an ex-wheel!
This week’s tally: an ex wheel, the car’s rear ex-tyre and an ex-washingmachine! Arggh!  All this week!

In Oct 2011 my initial foray to the suggested “cycle-route” was shocking!
In August 2012, I moved off the death ride route (normal roads) to the shared “cycle facilities”.
The bike now has to deal with a lot more grit, debris, crap, tree roots, curbs, potholes, etc. I’m learning to accept it. I now concede the new route is arguably the wiser option.
The winter obviously sees a lot more debris and wet crud. So although I survived last winter I’ve now opted for the full guard on the rear, I just had a splash guard before. This might protect the mech and chain set a tad. More dedication to cleaning is needed too! Hufff!

I am no bike expert, so I rely on people’s advice and the LBS – City Cycles Thurmo
After two years it’s now got:
A new back wheel: Mavic A119 rim and Shimano FH-M525A hub.
In the summer we had to replace the considerably worn SunTour/SRAM chain set (ring, chain and cassette); with a Shimano megarange CS HG41.

So yes, annually the £ has to be spilt somewhere, but just remember there’s no Tax, MOT and insurance and the previous ~£54 a month fuel costs are now zero.

I bought off the shelf, but on retrospect- if you’re buying a new bike, spend more than you can afford (invest) for a bike that will be used daily – in the long term, the bike is the sum of it’s parts!


As mentioned, I concede that the cycle facility route is the wiser option – I guess I’ll report again on that in due course.

Bike Uncategorized

We cycle to know we are not alone…

As you know I cycle. However (bear with me),  cycling as a sport is not my thing. I don’t find the spin and whirl of the latest chrome or carbon gadgets specifically exciting, I don’t find the latest audacious audax or spritely sportif of interest, “different chevaux for different courses” I guess.

Cycling for me is a way of travelling, getting from a to b, but also it can be a catalyst to seeing the world and your place in it in a new way. Not easy to summarise, it’s essentially an ongoing experience, but over the last year or so I have discovered a few notable (and readable) cycling related reads.

One of my first finds was “The Bicycle Book” by Bella Bathurst.

It’s a great read on the essence of the bike and bicycling. I’d suggest an essential starter.

“What is it about the bicycle that so enchants us? And why do its devotees become so obsessed with it?
A journey through cycling’s best stories and strangest incarnations. A brilliantly engaging portrait of cycling’s past, present and…”


It’s all about the bike” by Rob Penn was another good read.

A great enthusiastic study and search for the best in cycling without overdoing the technical.
“the bike’s story, from its cultural history to its technical innovation to the fascinating colourful stories of the people who ride it…. with humor, humility, and authoritative intelligence… a rare and precious portal to the heart and soul of bike culture and its surprising footprint on all of culture”

Recently found, and I’m still reading, a lighthearted but enlightening read “The Enlightened Cyclist“.


Making me smile and think…
“Discussing the trials and triumphs of bike commuting with snark, humor, and enthusiasm: If we become better commuters, will that make us better people?”

It’s great when you find the reading of books build on each other. Indeed, when unrelated books enforce each other and start to agree and colour a picture in your mind, then life can seem more real.
In “Shadowlands” we imagine C S Lewis “we read to know we are not alone”.
I suggest we also can cycle to know we are not alone.


Incidentally, TBB borrowed from the local library, IAATB and TEC via KoboBooks.
I guess the drawback to readers of the ebook paradigm shift is that I can’t lend you the book to read…! ?
*** Incidentally, 5 years on and I read real books, the e-reader needs charging ***


Another way?

So we have found a possible alternative… not so pleasant but I guess it does the job… for now.

Two commute routes

Cycle commutes.

I guess the cars (& vans) win?!  I have been forced (for the sake of the children) to look for an alternative to the best route via road.

So a different route in to work, as an inebriated foolish crow might fly.
It’s half a mile (a few minutes) longer. The jury is still out, there are some obstacles to get the knack of and no school children at present – it’ll be a different matter when the oh so well mannered and respectful students are on the prowl.

I’ll miss the morning skys and sunsets etc as the view from up on Barkby Thorpe is often vitalising.
I guess I’ll also miss the inclines that get the blood pumping.

The new route has poor, fractured, token cycle lanes from syston to Round Hill School but then a good bit of new cycle way (sans kids) to Thurmaston Citycycles junction. We then weave through the golfing estate. Then it’s back on familiar ground over Troon Way and via Gleneagles onto Catherine St.. Cycling in the city is still ‘on road’ – I don’t find city drivers too bad on secondary roads (the primary artery roads can be different!).

After nearly 2 years of cycling, the reason I’ve left the ‘country route’ as the crow flies through Barkby (+Thorpe) etc  is that “the automobile traffic rules!”. It’s not worth the risk!
In my humble experience/opinion, probably:
80% of the traffic – most traffic observes cyclists, reduces speed and gives room when passing.
15 % of the traffic – it’s hard to tell wether they see you. They do not reduce speed, but luckily they do not hit you. The manoeuvres vary from revving engines and inappropriate gears, giving space too late when overtaking (they give plenty of space to the invisible cyclist in front of me), and the all too often “let me past ‘cos I need to copulate with the car in front!” speeding past you up the tail of the car in front just to brake late! I’m not going to mention mobile phones, make-up mirrors and nose picking.
It’s the 5% that are the worry – these fall into two camps:
1. “The Aggressive”: Not slowing, indeed, often accelerating faster (than the limit?) to pass you. Not giving any extra room ‘cos I guess they don’t care? (God knows if they see the cyclist). The impatient contemptuous ignorant dickwit attitude that cyclists are a pain in the front bumper and must not be tollerated and must be passed, blocked or bullied.
2. The “Ooops Sorry I Didn’t See You”: this is possibly the more worrying, “sorry. I misjudged it”, or “I didn’t see you”, is not going to help scrape you off the floor or put your head back on your torso. It’s people that are just not aware (anymore) of their responsibility when driving a vehicle – I guess they are “new drivers”, “infrequent drivers”, “careless drivers”, “distracted drivers”, “over confident drivers?”, “ill prepared drivers”… I don’t know, but there are too many of them on the roads.

If you don’t agree that these types of driver/people exist, try and share the roads with them from the position of a cyclist.
When you cycle, all your senses are engaged in the activity; you are “cycling”, not thinking about the radio, the windows, the make-up, the phone, the back seat, the glove box…  “you are cycling”, and you are intently engaged with where you are – you can’t miss the careless perilous incidents and obstacles when they’re encountered.

So the Queniborough-Barkby-Leicester road is too dangerous – it will only take one incident to put me in hospital.
Jury’s still out but for now, I’ll have to risk the possible prang at 10mph on an estate road rather than the potential ‘prang’ at 30mph on the best road.
New route many many low speed hazards and manoeuvres. Old route occasional high-speed potential killers.

Should cyclists freely share space on the road?
Should cyclists be given road quality cycling space else where?
Should cyclists be happy with 3rd rate white-lined gutters?
Should cyclists just shut up and get on or off their bikes?

Forgive me I know not what I do.

Bike Uncategorized

cyclists are foolish? raw rant…

Commuter cyclists are foolish?

Jules Richards  ******, when a car passes toooo close & tooo fast on a narrow country road and the potential circumstances flash through your mind, you stop at the lights and ask could you give me more room next time… a verbal slanging match ensues, culminating being told to sod off! You feel worse than ever and the week’s started well. ****ed off, feel like the crap in the road I have to ride through. Why do I ****ing bother?

[friend] I know how you feel, Jules!

Jules Richards  I feel awful! onward… I really don’t know why I am so stupid, just do what everyone else does… eh? “common”? sense. Or do what you feel like and ride against the wind – Sometime’s it’s invigorating but when challenged by other “travellers” often one feels on limb and a bit foolish. When you’re on a limb anyway it doesn’t take much for the limb to break. Cycling can be freedom, but also can be tense, dangerous and a stupid thing to do, given the circumstances. I’m not surprised people want to stay in their “auto”mobiles.

Arghijklmnopqrstuvw…x…y…. z.

[friend] I don’t cycle as much as you do, but sometimes circumstances lead me to realise the risks I’m taking and I wonder, if the worst happened, would I think it was worth it if I looked back? Think these things even more with two teenage boys cycling on the roads. The Big Picture: we can’t let fear drive cyclists off the road – there are so many reasons to cycle. But the Little Picture – with you and loved ones in the frame – sometimes doesn’t look as clear. Sorry this has happened to you today

Jules Richards on verge of giving in and buying a car.

[friend] A couple of weeks ago after being overtaken just before a blind corner I also asked a driver to be more careful. During the abuse he said that next time he would kill me. 

I do not understand why anyone would even think that let alone say it.

But I can’t afford to buy a 2nd car for health, wealth and environmental reasons. 

I am going to revisit cameras though and then report them all

[friend]  I haven’t really had any altercations with drivers, tho I did once shout at a bloke driving a Chelsea tractor and talking on his mobile. When he drew up later, he lent over and spat at me through his passenger window.

It is bizarre the amount of contempt/hatred British men feel for cyclists. In France, in my experience, you get only consideration from drivers and encouragement from pedestrians – because most of them cycle as well. In Britain, there still seems to be a deep-rooted attitude that the manly thing is to drive (ie sit in a comfy chair and let an engine do all the work) and only little boys and twats ride a bike.

Jules Richards seriously thinking of a camera, have been for a while. Not at ease about having to go that route though.



Bike Uncategorized

Bit of this and that…

Satuarday morning round the block, 25 miles.

Over the last year I have slowly increased my 10mile spin to 25miles.

I don’t get much time to get out, what with little ladies to entertain, but when I get an hour or two this is the ’round’ I enjoy:

It encompasses a bit of this… at Twyford


And a bit of that… at Baggrave Hall


East Goscote, Rearsby, Gaddesby, Great Dalby, Thorp Satchville, Twyford, Hungarton, Keyham, Scraptoft, Barkby Thorpe, Thurmoland, Syston, East Goscote.

Back home for late 11sies.


Zzzzzombie like tendencies?

Triggered by an article I read recently in ‘Australia’s most widely-read bike magazine’ Ride On, about cycling with earphones… I just had to comment!
Ride On states that they find that “ear-bud earphones set at a reasonable volume still allow riders to clearly hear the warning sounds of other riders.”
I just had to comment. What a ridiculous article! As one comment put: “Safety when riding is paramount and the only person who loses in bike/car accidents is the cyclist. Music covers up sound and distracts…” I agree.
Sorry but I am a cyclist and did previously use earphones daily… since Feb this year I have not and will not wear them while cycling.
Ride On’s claim that when using earphones you can still hear other sounds is a probable fact, but in doing this they are foolishly promoting the activity of earphone use while cycling.

I purport that the act of journeying is or should be an interactive activity. The addition of audio-entertainment to such activity is dangerous or at least restrictive. Whether in a car, on a bike or by foot the use of earphones inhibits the potential for interaction with the world. Yes, indeed, this could lead to potential incident with other road users but more importantly it leads to an insular, individualistic culture and the AA’s zombie like tendencies. It leads to an “us and them” attitude and not “humanity”…
The AA has has urged cyclists and pedestrians – and drivers – to pay attention to the road  [the journey] rather than be distracted by music. Edmund King, president of the AA, also commented on the Injury Prevention study, saying:
“We can’t stop the march of technology but we need to halt the iPod pedestrian, cycle and driver zombies.  Whether on two feet, two wheels or four, too many people are suffering from iPod oblivion.
“When on the move our brains have much to take in and using technological gadgets means that our brains can’t always concentrate on so many things at once This is when we walk into traffic; don’t hear the truck or drive cocooned from the outside world.
“The US research suggests that this problem may be growing so we all need to use common sense to ensure that technological cocooning doesn’t endanger our lives or the lives of others.

I have commented before about our attitude as road-users and indeed a general social attitude. Unless I’m mistaken, an ignorance is a key trait here. Ignorance is bliss?
Considering our use of cultural opiates (in the sense of anything that causes dullness or inaction or that soothes the feelings). We all imbibe stuff that will colour our perception, some more than others.  The radio, a podcast, music, TV, food, art, knowledge, and other stimulants/sedatives (as well as coffee and cheese) can all be stimulating and creative, however they can also act as a distracting eclipse and induce ignorance.

When journeying with or past others, i think it’s best to aim for an open mind and a considerate perception.
We all too readily ignore that which is beyond our perception or conception. We all enjoy a moment of bliss? But not while we are journeying with and past others!
Music can be a distracting eclipse and induce ignorance. The ignorant might excuse themselves with the notion of innocence?
Ignorant? innocent? bliss? contentment? enchantment? joy? beatitude? well-being…
Heaven help us all!?


Take a chill pill…

Cycling to work is a joy and I can’t recommend it highly enough – however…
The below obviously does not apply to the majority of road users but does apply to a surprisingly significant number. We are all at different stages of life and have differing world-views but I believe we are all human.

Lemming like following… slow down and chill-out.
First observation is the motorist’s urge to get up the backside of the car in front. Traffic seems to flow in bunches of half-a-dozen cars. Yes as a cyclist I also occasionally have to remind myself to “take a chill pill” but that’s usually due to aggravation caused by the danger of mixing with hard, fast, unpredictable hazards. One of the most frequent dangerous observations is a car overtaking me although the car in front of me has barely passed and then the overtaker has to brake hard and slow down. The most infuriatingly dangerous incidents are when a vehicle, again rather than waiting a few seconds, overtakes on a blind-bend, when they cannot see a clear route ahead. Unless I keep my wits about me, sooner or later there will be an incident where an over eager driver will take me out.

Disregard for the rules… limits are not targets.
The rules of the road are “rules”. It seems these days “speed limits” are an annoyance and a quaint part of the british landscape. They are frequently ignored or read as the speed that one should be doing. A 40mph speed limit means “do not exceed 40” not “drive at 40”. Limits are there to help prevent incident and to reduce potential casualty. Most rural and  suburban roads are not built for cars to drive at speed. There is no need to match the speed limit. You will get there if you just chill out a bit and slow down, trust me try it!

Ignorance of common sense… I didn’t think…
OK the jury’s out but, the fact is using a mobile phone, eating a banana, smoking a fag etc are secondary activities and driving requires the driver’s full attention. It’s common sense.
Wait until there’s room to proceed. If you cannot pass a cyclist safely just wait 20-30 seconds and look again. It’s common sense.
Common sense prevails (to most) when you’re walking down the street. You acknowledge passing strangers, you might even pass regards. You don’t run when walking suffices. You don’t barge past or shout at the person in front.

Blaring music… pardon?!
OK it took me awhile to drop the habit but there’s a limit where the loudness of music becomes ignorantly more than needed and rude. Common sense? When the music (and i use that term loosely) in the car becomes music out of the car, then that’s just stupid.

Midlife substitution… shiny happy people…
OK it will always be, but affluenza is an annoying phenomenon. What makes me chuckle is over 60’s in expensive sports-cars, and suede bagged mothers in oversized 4 wheel drive trucks. And of course there’s the single successful’s in their overpriced accessorising audmwcedes. It’s not a crime but it is i fear a symptom of oneupmanship.

Single seater driving… why?
Yes there’s always a place for the automobile. It’s an amazing invention and modern designs are becoming increasingly effective. But is it needed for journey Y & Z as well as X?
There was a time when I would not even entertain the seemingly stupid proposal that I might ride to work just once a week. The thought of it was seriously ridiculous and absolutely not an option. A year hence I found myself cycling to work daily, and having done so for a year.
There are so many people is a similar position to me – driving alone in a car 3-7 miles to work.
Admittedly there are situations where it is just not appropriate and not for everyone. But
I used to drive 7 miles to work, taking 25-30 minutes, costing ~£3 a day in petrol +parking. (£50/month). For my previous journeys, I strapped myself, encapsulated into a ventilated carriage, and gripping the shiny plastic, smelling the fake pine, I was led along by the lemming in front, while taking in the pop-pulp-podcastic wittering opiate of choice(?).
Now I cycle 7 miles to work, it take 30 minutes, it cost me nothing in petrol and parking.
My endorphins are raised, my lungs and muscles are exercised. My spirits are cleansed by fresh air, nature and light. My mind is allowed.
If you drive under 7 miles to work alone in a car there is another cheaper, healthier and more pleasurable choice.

The analogy with smoking… cough!
OK this one’s work-in-progress.
We have come to understand that smoking is an unhealthy decision. It’s debatably costly, bad for you, bad for those around you and stinks. OK it serves a purpose, it takes the edge of life’s ruggedness and it’s a choice. We all employ drugs in varying forms but the habitual use of some drugs are unwise and destructive. The use of nicotine in the form of cigarettes has been recognised as an unhealthy commercially driven crutch that needs limiting and should be considered with caution. Today, many would consider smoking cigarettes unwise yet still many do smoke. Many people ignore the financial cost, the health risks and the antisocial cloud that smoking creates. Many ignore the idea that “smoking kills” both physically and mentally
The Car.
Some have come to ponder driving is an unhealthy decision. It’s debatably costly, bad for you, bad for those around you and stinks. OK it serves a purpose, it takes the edge of life’s ruggedness and it’s a choice. We all drive in varying forms but the habitual use of the car is unwise and destructive. The use of cars has been recognised as an unhealthy commercially driven crutch that needs limiting and should be considered with caution. Today, many would consider the use of the car as unwise yet still many do drive. Many people ignore the financial cost, the health risks and the antisocial cloud that driving creates. Many ignore the idea that “speed kills” both physically and mentally.


A True Story…

The cycling kettle and the meandering pot…

(a true story, however the names of the individuals have been changed to avoid conflict)

A kettle was cycling along the other day and approached an inattentive pot crossing the road with her two little pottlettes.
The pot was unaware of the peddling kettle as her gaze was remote and her two pottletts wandered aimlessly.
The kettle hollered – “oi!”… “Oi!”… “OI!”, three calls, with increasing vigour, the kettle boomed alarm as he approached her on a collision course to certain strife.
At the last minute, disaster was avoided as the pot turned to face a recoiling kettle, cycling afore her nose!
With exasperation the kettle passed, bewildered by the disregard of the pot for the busy road and the misdirection of her attention, especially with her little pottletts in tow!
Such incidents alarm the kettle and alas frustration got the better of him as he left the scene and in annoyance he uttered “for f***’s sake”. Perhaps he knew better of it but, the adrenalin of a cycling kettle is hard to contain.
I guess the pot was thankful for being alerted to potential fate of her and her offspring but the language of the kettle was too much to entertain as the pot shouted with gusto “watch your language you TW*T!”.

Happy daze.

“then you show us how”…
replied the crablets to daddy crab
as he told them to
“walk straight my children”… 

In Arabic “The camel cannot see the crookedness of its own neck”
In Basque “The blackbird to the crow: Black tail!”
In Bengal “The Sieve tells the needle to mind the hole in its back!”
In Bulgaria “The starving are laughing at the toothless!”
In Burma “The Son is one month older than the father”
In Croatia “The owl mocked the tit for having large eyes”
In France “The hospital that laughs at charity” and “The shovel mocks the poker”
In Hungary “The owl says the sparrow has a large head”
In Indonesia “The thief shouting robber”
In Italy “The ox calling the donkey horned” or a “A rag speaking ill of a cloth”
In Japan “Eye wax laughing at snot”
In Spain “The donkey talking about ears”
In Venezuela “An armadillo tells a turtle it is too hard shelled”
In Sweden “Sweep clean in front of your own door first”
In Vietnam “Dog ridicules cat for being hairy”
Thanks Wikipedia for these similar idioms.