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Pause… breathe in… breathe out… relax… 

Yes, sometimes this is easier said than done!

In the busyness, you don’t always get time to answer the question “How are you feeling right now?”  In fact, you probably rarely ask how are you feeling ‘right now’?

After the event, we can reflect on what happened, but at the time of the incident, right at the moment when the car cut you up, the competitive dig cut in, the computer said no, words riled you, or the heat of the moment got the better of us, it’s hard to pause, breathe in… and ‘take a moment’. Or is it?

Research shows, that we are all almost constantly engaged in some form of emotion regulation, controlling our emotional responses to stimuli.  

People rarely identify the spectrum of emotions we encounter daily. It’s been said, sometimes we move towards taking monotone photographs of the very colorful scenes that our lives experience.

If we can recognise that we are feeling/thinking emotionally, we can sometimes momentarily take a step back. By specifically naming an emotion, we can notice and put space between us and the experience.

In the words of  Dan Siegel “Name it to tame it.”  Being mindful of a specific emotional moment can give us a chance to notice and name the emotion. If we can see it, then we don’t have to be it. It can be more complex, an emotion that might seem like anger, might intact stem from embarrassment or guilt. However, with the initial step of recognition, we can hopefully disengage from the emotion a tad. We can choose to react more helpfully, rather than reacting “emotionally” to the neurochemical burn.

By Machine Elf 1735 Own work 

When you find yourself getting tense, or you lose sight of your breathing, perhaps you are slipping into monotone. 

If we can recognise the colour of this emotion, perhaps it might help us to pause, breathe in… breathe out… relax, and name the emotion

Yes, we all get swept away in emotional currents (and sometimes this is good!)  But noticing unhelpful emotions might be a life-changer.

…cold, malevolent, and fantastic as a fairy tale. 

Everyone’s so miserable today… said a colleague, and yes there was a milieu of grey in the air.

In part perhaps, due to the weather… and the media’s bounty of doomy uncertainty.

“It’s down to us…” I said in a rare moment of clarity. And it is down to us, to rise above the cold, malevolent prospects and grasp the sparkle, the fairy tale beyond the immobility of the dark teatime of the soul. A grander narrative.

This week I was lucky to hear Anatoly Lyadov’s – The Enchanted Lake, “A Fairy Tale Scene” thanks (again) to Petroc Trelawny and BBC Radio 3‘s Breakfast. Lyadov wrote to a friend about the piece “…how clear, the multitude of stars hovering over the mysteries of the deep. …no entreaties and no complaints; only nature –  cold, malevolent, and fantastic as a fairy tale.”

The piece grabed me. I love the idea of no proclamations, no fanfare, no brash bling. Only nature. Nature in its cold raw state… …the sparkle of hope can only be found when we add narrative to the nature, add character, meaning, prospects to the scene. Since early humans labeled the stars, and painted walls, and told stories of hope…  it is down to us, to rise above the cold grey doom and grasp the sparkle, the fairy tale, the bright breakfast of the soul. Celebrate a grander narrative tale if we can…

The first time this year, I took the dog out on the field this morning.

It was glorious. The sound of birds, the smell of thawing field, the warmth of the sunrise, the bright glistening frost, the hints of buds and capillary-like branches stretching with imminent hope of something… the sensational experience was more than I can describe here. More than most of us might capture with words, images, music or dance… though I love and applaud those who try! (Like Bill Withers)

Usually, my better-half takes the dog out, but on Saturday’s it’s my duty while E’s at work. As I say, it seems a duty, a ‘thing that needs to be done’, and like any chore it can be ‘seen’ as a chore. Googling an antonym for ‘chore’ we find happiness or peace !  Two sides of the same coin – flip the coin! Surely what makes a chore a chore is its relativity, its context, the way we perceive the task or situation. Many of us find ourselves doing routine things and tasks that ‘need to be done’. Yes it’s easily said, and I’m the worst at seeing above the clouds, but sometimes it really can take a small twist of perspective, a grounding of our perception to see something differently, to see something for what it truly is, to realise. Relax the clasped hand, and instead of a fist we have an open palm.  

I process stuff, we all do, but as an over-thinker, and a visual artist, I like to process stuff a tad more. This can be a problem, though being creative can make more of stuff, the process can perhaps take away and detract from the reality of life. We need a little unfiltered reality every now and then. Or we might say, to a generation swimming in hyperreality, we need a little unfiltered experience more regularly! 

As I say, I am the worst culprit. I, like many of us, find myself routinely consumed with pretty perfect polished pop cyberspace. Snap out of it. As a counselor once suggested to me, time for a ‘wet fish’ grounding. 

I took the dog out on the field this morning. It was more vibrant than any Instragram post, it was warmer than any edifying TED video, it was more exciting than a game of Mario, more rewarding than a win on BingoBingo… it was real.

Easily said I know… but, turn off the device. Take off the filters…
Breathe.

Go outside. 

(Added on Sunday) Frostier this morning…

My young daughter said to me, “Dad, I like the birds, sunsets, candles and smiling people too, but I don’t get overwhelmed by them, you’re way too emotional…”

We were with friends, sitting around flickering flames in the fireplace, with a spicey drink… and the room was gently warming… I am not a fan of the fuss and festivities, but the rituals and traditions of the end-of-year midwinter season help us reform structures and foundations in our lives. They help us define our past, and shape who we are. Seasonal traditions give us a sense of comfort and belonging and enable people to reconnect with others. Christmas themes help reinforce values such as freedom, faith, integrity, hope, personal responsibility, ethics, and values. If you try and take it all on board, and juggle festive with fact, or tradition with truth, it can become too much.

It will be no surprise to you that, yes, I get overwhelmed by it all – with all the stimulation, tradition, memories, energy, expectations, hopes and fears… to the point that I just hold up my hands, my thoughts, my curiosities, suspend disbelief and have to yield to the pleasures and the perils… breathe… centre… accept these things we do… #recognise

It’s these ‘things we do together’ these ‘interactions’ that make us what we are. It’s about people. The heart of the village is the people. Home us where the heart is. The tradition of warmth and a flame in the hearth… 

While the flames are still flickering, this year I hope we can remember the hearth. Where your treasure is, there is your heart(h) also. It needs regular cleansing, maintenance, fuel, space, care and attention. The heart needs to be true, especially if you’re someone who gets overwhelmed and “way too emotional…”

HNY.